Always isn't Forever
by MannAinsley
Summary: Five years in the future and life is complicated for the 12th precinct family. People have loved and people have certainly lost. Jobs have changed and new partners are formed. Now that Kate has her whole new family, how does it help her grieve and get through the long hard days of being a detective?
1. Beginnings

Grey clouds filled the sky and covered the city in thick, eerie shadows. Kate was ducked in behind a dumpster with her partner just waiting for their perps to exit out of the side building door into their waiting presence and take them down. It was hard though. Neither of the detectives had any idea of how the next ten to fifteen minutes was going to go down. They both couldn't see the door so whatever the suspects had with them, or didn't have with them; Beckett and Espo had to deal with it within seconds.

The waiting was the worse though. After a while the adrenaline would wear off and cramps would slowly start invading the joints in your legs. It's when your brain gets bored that it becomes a real problem. There's nothing that can prepare you for that. You start counting the bricks in the wall and become so preoccupied that you can't even remember why you were there in the first place.

Their breaths grew louder as the suspense grew stronger. They wouldn't be able to wait much longer and they would have to completely reanalyse their case.

"Five more minutes Becks then we're out of here," Espo whispered. He didn't usually call her Becks and it was a pet name that she had always hated but now wasn't a time to argue.

Kate just simply gave an agreeing nod. She couldn't sit here much longer either.

Suddenly a click of the rusty, old door that occupied the alley was a sign that in fact they wouldn't be going home any time soon.

The long, high pitch squeal that the door produced made each of them wince but soon sprang into action when they heard heavy footsteps hit the pavement.

"NYPD hands where I can see them!" they yelled in conjunction. It was something they had naturally learned to do on their many cases together.

"Up against the wall!" Espo yelled but Kate stood still in her tracks.

"CASTLE!" she yelled angrily, "What the hell are you doing here!"

Castle turned from the wall he had ran to and walked over to his wife.

"I was doing some research for my next book since someone won't let me back on their team," he said in a 'don't blame me' tone.

Rick reached in to kiss her but Beckett quickly dodged it and walked over to her partner. Yes they were fighting. Well they were fighting for the second time this week but Rick just didn't understand that Kate couldn't have him back as her partner. He had died in her arms that day he was shot. Being in the line of fire was her job, not the job of her husband and certainly not the job for the father of her children. He just didn't understand.

"I'll meet you in the car Beckett. Don't take too long," Espo called out as he walked back towards where they'd parked their car much earlier in the day when they had started their stake out. He didn't need to be there for one of their fights. He'd seen enough grief and pain become of his previous partners death and he certainly didn't need to see more.

"Don't wait up Javie. I'll go home with this guy," she yelled out and pointed towards her now smiling husband.

Rick tried one more time and pulled her in for another kiss. This time she didn't pull away but more the opposite. She deepened the kiss further until they both needed to come up for air.

"You know why I can't have you back on my team Rick," she said and ran a hand along the stubble on his chin.

"I know," he pouted, "but it doesn't mean that it doesn't suck."

"I know, I know," she replied and grabbed his hand to pull him to his car. She knew that he would eventually have to lead the way as she had no idea where it was parked, but she just really needed to get out of this alley.

Her phone then vibrated in her pocket to indicate that she had a text.

Espo: Hey Becks don't worry about coming back to the precinct; I got this all under control. You owe me one!

She laughed at it and appreciated the friendship that they had acquired since they had become partners. As tragic as Ryan's death was, it somehow brought them closer together. But Rick on the other hand, it tested their relationship more than anything. Kevin had died saving Rick's life and almost failed to do that. Castle still blamed himself for it. He said that leaving a woman alone with three kids because his butt had to be saved was something worse than dying. Jenny had forgiven him though; she even told him that there was nothing to be forgiven for. Kevin was doing his job. It was what he'd signed up for. What Kate didn't understand was how he could think that way when if he had died he'd be leaving behind her and their two kids and with one on the way, and also Alexis and her two kids. Ryan didn't deserve to die but her family didn't deserve to lose a husband, a father and a grandfather either. Many fights had started from this as well. Most of the time Kate just kept it to herself. Nothing ever good came from fighting with the man who had a crazily great gift with words.

They finally found the car which Rick had actually forgotten where he had parked it, and drove back to their new loft which was conveniently three doors down to the old one. It was structurally the same but three extra rooms were added on for the increasing amount of children flooding in every day.

Kate loved it though. She loved her two kids who would come in every morning and wake them up to make them breakfast or just jump into bed with them until they were both ready to get up. She was also one month pregnant. They had only just found out but were both over the moon at the news. Kate also secretly liked being a grandmother. Being 37 and being a grandmother was far too young but she also guessed that being 37 and pregnant was classified as being too old to have a baby. Nothing was normal in the Castle household.


	2. Family

Family. It's everything right? Staring down at her lounge room-staring down at her family, a place in her heart warmed. This same spot was cold for most of the time that she was at work. They death and destruction pulled her down for most of the day until she came home and saw her family once again.

Her family was now her life. After so much disappointment and heartbreak in trying to start and grow her family, it was humbling to have her tiny, little creatures running around the house.

The smiles on their faces lit up every sad thing in Kate's day. If it had been a hard case she would come home and her children and amazing husband would cheer her up until she couldn't help but smile. Rick was still a kid though. He hadn't grown up at all in five years. You'd think that having three children would drain a man's energy not give him more.

Patrick Alexander Castle was the eldest adding up to be just over four years old and Quinn Houghton Beckett was about to turn two in a few weeks. Kate had lost three babies already to miscarriage, two before Patrick was born and one only three months ago while trying to add a fifth member to the family. That's why they hadn't told the kids about her being pregnant yet. They didn't quite understand what Rick and Kate meant when they told them that their mummy was no longer having a baby. It tore her heart seeing their confused and sad little faces. They would wait a few months and if the baby was still around then they would tell them. She just hoped that if it did happen again it wouldn't happen like it did the first time.

*Flashback to the 17th of June 2015*

"Stop police!" she screamed as she chased the suspect down the narrow, wet alleyway. "NYPD I said stop!" Kate could hear the heavy footsteps of Espo and Ryan chasing to keep up with her after she caught the early sent of the guy they'd been looking for. She had given Castle strict instructions to stay in the car but she could hear his loud and heavy panting trailing behind as his fitness levels were greatly tested.

"Stop police!" she yelled again as the perp neared a dead end. She'd got him right where she wanted him. But things couldn't always go right for her and in the instant that they Suspect turned around when he realised his immanent fate, Kate felt a huge burst of pain rush through her stomach. She toppled to the ground and felt a warm sensation run down her thighs. Ryan and Espo ran past her and gathered up the suspect while Rick finally caught up and Collapsed beside Kate.

"Kate? Kate!" he exclaimed, panic ripping through his voice. "Kate you're bleeding!" She looked up to him and saw pure horror in his eyes. She knew exactly what was going on but by the looks of him, he had no idea.

She gave him a look of sadness and apology.

"The baby?" he murmured softly as a tear ran down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry Castle," she whispered softly. That's all that she could make out as the pain was still an uncomfortable constant in the lower part of her torso.

She didn't remember much of what happened next. Small memories of Rick calling the ambulance and Kevin and Javier having to force themselves away from their grieving friends to take the perp back to the precinct was all she had left. The next thing she remembered was waking up pin the hospital and being told by a doctor that she had lost her baby.

*Back to present*

They had almost given up after that day. They were certain that having children was impossible for them when the second miscarriage occurred but had a glimpse of hope when they had successfully gotten Patrick into the second trimester and the doctor said that he'd most likely last until the very end. They weren't that lucky though. Patrick was born dangerously early and almost didn't make it. It was like they couldn't catch a break. Luckily Kate's pregnancy with Quinn was a breeze and there were absolutely no complications what so ever. Rick and Kate just prayed that they would be that lucky with the little he or she that Kate was carrying right now.

Tonight was special though. Alexis and Blake were there too. It was a treat when they had visits from them. Alexis had two little girls but both of them didn't have the same father. Paige Katherine Harrison-Castle who was four years old and Pi's daughter, and Astrid Martha Donalds-Castle who was four months old and Blake's daughter. It had been a rough relationship with Pi and Alexis and once Paige was born they spilt up pretty quickly. He still fully supported her though and they remained friends. Blake and Alexis had fallen madly in love when Paige was almost nine months old. They had gotten engaged three months before she fell pregnant with Astrid.

It was a huge family get together and after the year that they had all had; this is what they needed. Family was the one constant in her life now. There were no more lonely holidays where she would sit alone in her apartment, eat takeout and wallow in self-pity. Even her father had remarried and moved to the Texas where his wife Mary had grown up. He was tremendously happy and Kate couldn't have asked for a better step mother. They'd all be coming to the loft for Christmas which was next week. People would be flying in from all around the country to join them.


	3. Getting days off

"Beckett," Kate said sleepily as she picked her phone off the bedside table and squished it up to her ear roughly. It was way too early for this.

"Hey Beckett we got a murder," Espo said in his usual procedural tone. It sounded like he'd been awake for hours.

"Yeah text me the address and I'll be there. I gotta be home by six though," she replied while sitting up and wiping her eyes with her free hand.

"Yeah we'll make sure of it. See you there," he answered and hung up.

Kate got up and wandered aimlessly over to the wardrobe and opened up its door fiercely. She didn't like getting up at 2am to solve murders. Didn't killers know that people actually have to sleep?

"Hunny what are you doing?" Rick spoke softly and pulled the blankets up over his head despite the weird hot weather that they'd been having. It was the middle of winter and honestly it felt like summer was approaching. Overly weird.

"I got called into work," Kate replied while stripping off her clothes and attempting to shove on her pants and shirt. At this point Rick had stuck his eyes out of the blanket and was staring at her with his seductive eyes. Even after four years of marriage he still never got stick of staring at her. Kate had to admit that she didn't look bad for a woman who had already had two kids but she was nothing to ogle over. She just took advantage of it for as long as she could.

Rick climbed out of bed slowly and seductively. He was nearing fifty but still looked hot. But he could put on fifty kilos and she would still think he's attractive.

He wrapped his arms around her waist from the back and pulled her into him.

"What are you doing out of bed Rick?' she laughed knowing that he'd try to tag along with her. He couldn't now though; someone had to stay home with the kids.

"Giving my beautiful wife a send-off," he replied and placed soft, light kisses to her neck before focusing on her pulse point.

Kate turned around in his arms and pecked him on his lips.

"Well I have to go so your send-off will be short," she kissed him again, "I'll see you at six."

Kate broke away and headed for the door. She hated leaving him but it was her job. Every time she walked out of her home she had to push all of her fear and dread down into a place where it hibernated until she was reminded by the faces of her husband and children.

"Kate," he called out right before she closed the door to leave. He must've followed her out. "Be careful. Look after our baby."

She was pregnant. Right. Sometimes she needed reminding.

"Promise," she replied and closed the door. Kate took one deep breath, put her left hand down to her stomach, and moved forward. She could already tell that this morning was going to be tough.

* * *

"What have we got Espo?" Kate barked as she entered the poorly lit park. CSU were just starting to set up their lights.

"Female, Mid 30's, GSW to the chest. No wallet so I've got uniforms checking the area and canvasing for possible witnesses."

"Whatever witnesses are in the park at this time of night aren't gonna talk. Anything on the body Lanie?"

"Well I'll have to wait to get to the lab for a more detailed examination as always but she's come from a decent home. Great dental, looks to be in great health and also has well-manicured nails so she most definitely does not belong in the park this time of night."

"Thank you. I'll come see you later in the day after I drop the kids at school," Kate replied and touched her friend's shoulder. They had slightly grown apart when Kate had kids. She just didn't have time for coffee anymore. She missed it though; all she wanted was some girl time.

"Sure thing Beckett. Say hi to the kids for me."

"I will and Rick said he's gonna come see you soon. Something about a scene in his book."

"I look forward to it," she answered and loaded the body up into the morgue mobile.

Suddenly a shot went off just as the trucks pulled away. Everyone on the scene ducked but Beckett and Espo ran off towards the direction of the shot. She knew that this wasn't going to be a good morning.

They were faced with a guy about 6ft, scraggily beard but neatly dressed holding a 9mm Glock. Neither of them knew why he had stuck around but I guess it was their lucky day. That's if he didn't decided to start shooting.

"I didn't mean to shoot her!" he yelled at them. His voice was course and sounded like it was a struggle to get his words out. "I swear I didn't mean to!"

"What's your name?" Kate asked softly trying to calm him down.

"Doug, it's Doug," he seemed almost calm but then his eyes shot up and they were laced with fear. "Put down your guns and let me get away or I swear I'm gonna shot!"

"You won't make that shot buddy," Espo threatened and rose his gun up further.

"I'll shoot your friend here I swear!" he yelled again. His finger was sitting tightly on the trigger and Kate could tell that he was just about to tighten his grip just that little more.

"I don't think you would want to do that Doug. There's more at stake here," she said calmly. It always amazed her how she could remain so calm in theses situation.

"What I'll just add two more bodies to my kill list! What would it matter!"

"Because you'll be adding three," she said softly forgetting that Espo didn't know yet. "I'm pregnant and I'm you sure don't wanna go down as the man who killed the pregnant cop. So put. Your gun. Down Doug."

He didn't listen. Doug raised the gun further up until it sat underneath his chin.

"Last words are everything," he sighed.

"Doug. Put down the gun," Kate interrupted.

"Real peace is not the absence of conflict. It is the presence of justice. This is just justice."

Bang.

Doug toppled to the ground in one heap of blood and a guilty soul. At least the case was closed. All she had to do was go to the precinct, fill in some papers and go home. She thought it was sad that she was happy about this. A man just killed himself in front of her. But a man who threatened to kill her ended up dead. But no one truly deserves to die. Especially not like that.

"You're pregnant!" Javier yelled, taking her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah but don't tell anyone. We don't want people to get excited like last time."

"Sure thing boss. Go home. I'll deal with the paperwork. Take the day off."

"You don't need to Javie," she said softly. He always did this and it made her feel dreadfully bad.

"Go home Kate. Play with your children. You can pay me back when Lanie and I have kids."

"Oh so there's kids on the horizon?" She replied cheekily.

"Shut up," he answered and got in his car to drive back to the precinct.

She got to go home. Honestly it's all that she wanted.


	4. Relief

**_okay I know, this is the shortest chapter ever. Hopefully you can forgive me. I swear they get longer soon. I swear. i hope you're enjoying the story. To people who may follow my other stories such as switched and senior year, none of them have finished. I just haven't had the time to update them. Sorry for that. But enjoy this instead! Happy valentines day by the way. I hope you had a good one._**

**_-Ainsley._**

* * *

She was sweating. Was it weird that it was in fact the middle of winter and perspiration still soaked her shirt? Well yes, yes it was. The simple fact was that she was stressed. Being held at gunpoint was never good for the heart rate; but being pregnant at the time, that made it worse.

She stumbled into her home a little before five, a long time before she was actually due home. Kate didn't even make it to the bedroom. She fell face down onto the couch not caring about the obvious noise that she would create. Her eyes then filled up with tears. She didn't really know why; yes her and her baby's life was in danger but it was under control, there was no more threat. Kate just blamed it on hormones. These days everything was blamed on those god damn hormones.

Soon after Rick realised that his wife didn't make it to the bedroom after he heard the heavy footsteps and the loud over exaggerated sigh that she was known for. But sometimes, just sometimes, nothing about her overly dramatic entry was exaggerated.

"Kate come to bed," he whispered as he stroked her shoulder softly. She looked so defeated. He couldn't see her face but just the way she was positioned and how her shoulders slumped forward showed that she didn't have a care in the world.

"I can't," she replied just as softly. Her throat was dry from crying and she was in no mood to talk.

"Come on sweetie," he said and picked her up in the most awkward of ways. She squealed instantly but didn't put up a fight. She loved this man and she knew that all he wanted was for her to be happy and that's what his life was dedicated to, his wife and their family.

Rick sat her down in their huge king size bed and hopped in behind her so she could sit in the 'V' of his legs.

"How was work," he spoke faintly as he placed kisses delicately up her neck. After almost five years of marriage he knew that this was the only real way to calm her down, well this and one other thing, but he was sure that she wouldn't be in the mood for that.

"Crap," she mumbled and bathed her emotions into those kisses that he placed ever so carefully on her pulse point.

"Anything that you wanna tell me about," he replied knowing that he most probably didn't want to hear what happened.

"Not really," she answered, "I think I'm going to take a desk job until the baby is born. I just…..I just can't risk it again Rick."

"I know, I know. Maybe it will be a good idea. You could spend some more time with the kids and make sure you're happy and healthy."

Kate sighed, "I know I think I'll talk to Gates about it tomorrow and see what she thinks. I just had a bad feeling about today. I didn't like it." Kate dug back deeper into her husband's chest and soaked in his warmth and musk. He smelt of sleepy husband, sexy.

"It's up to you Hunny. What time do you have to go back to work?"

Kate pulled his hand up to her mouth and kissed it softly. "I don't. Javier is covering for me."

Rick sighed in relief. This was the first weekday that she'd had off in months.


End file.
